Cultivation Competitions
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Merry Tiller Racing
From 46 BT. (Before Toorie) till present day.
Today's cultivating extreme sport of Merry Tiller Racing has
evolved from very humble beginnings. These were the first recorded
Shetland Spade Delling World Championships, held at Dale in 46
BT.
This in itself stemmed from the previous years delling frenzy,
brought about by the discovery of an Irish Golden Guinea by Martha
of Dale. Martha being the Great Granddaughter of Seamus O'Dell,
who lost his life savings whilst emptying the chamber pot (rather
inadvisably) during a freak whirlwind.
The vortex of this bizarre meteorological phenomenon plucked
poor Seamus from where he stood and he was last seen disappearing
over Lunna Holm at a height of 20,000ft (a European record which
stood until bettered by the Montgolfier brothers 10 years later.)
Sadly the practice of competitive Shetland Spade Delling was
discontinued 7 years later when a Mississippi cotton trader arrived
at Olna and Captain Huckleberry Manson introduced the locals to
the evil that is Whist Drives and the overwhelming addictive thrill
of Strip 500 (A tradition that is kept up secretly to this day
by gentlemen in roadside huts.)
The sport made a brief comeback when the Suez crisis made modern
cultivating methods uneconomic. It was finally consigned to the
history books however, when the North Sea Oil bonanza once again
provided copious quantities of fossil fuels and local petrolheads
started dreaming again of land speed records, twin camshafts,
turbo-chargers, super-chargers, fuel injection and nitrous oxide!
In 1998 the sport was reinvented in its modern form at the Heights
Show of that year. A collection of both conventional and controversial
equipment assembled for a Merry Tiller frenzy. The list of competitors
and machines was as follows:
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Ewan o da Heights drove a traditional Briggs
& Stratton powered Merry Tiller MAJOR. This machine was
fitted with a stunt carburetor and finished a gallant fourth.
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Budding Eco warrior Squirrel Nutkins, AKA Derek
Robertson, controlled his environmentally sound Suffolk
Punch Mk 7 fitted with a Maxi starter motor and 12 volt 87
Amp hr battery with flare and gusto to a respectable third.
Thereby showing the great potential of electric driven lawn
care equipment.
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Stuart o da Heights piloted the much more
powerful, gas-guzzling Titan machine, the preferred Sharn-Shapper
of the enthusiast and the professional alike, to a close fought
second place.
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In first place was Stuart “Crazy Iron Horse”
Anderson who romped home with a controversial Honda
powered, pipe-driven racer of his own manufacture.
The race was started by the original Bannock Guru, Boab Madras
Popadom who fired the humane killer at a seemingly jaunty angle.
The angle was however meticulously calculated to represent the
exact angle of apex of the world renowned Voe Oatcake. That being
the only consumable comparable to Bannocks!
The 1999 event was held at a new venue more suited to the larger
crowds attracted by the presence and celebrity status of the world
class drivers. A new more challenging course combining both tarmac
and off-road elements was devised. This combined with the now
mandatory Stout-Stop made for more intense competition, and greatly
increased excitement for the spectators who could now freely mingle
with their sporting heroes.
 After
a close fought battle “Crazy Iron Horse” Anderson
retained the World Championship and won the newly introduced Heights
Garage Trophy. “Crazy Iron Horse” and the rest of
the competitors then celebrated in true motorsport fashion by
spraying their presentation tins of Sweetheart Stout over eachother.
There was also a demonstration of stunt Merry Tiller driving by
“Crazy Iron Horse” which involved “Burn-ups”
and the Merry Tiller equivalent of “Doughnuts.”
As you read this the World Championship will be well underway.
Squirrel Nutkins this year has lost his green credentials and
has amassed a collection of internal combustion powered rotovating
units. “Crazy Iron Horse” is modifying his device
to specification which is said to be “Oot o Hand”.
Competitors are believed to be attending from as far as ABU DABI,
Delhi and Skeld.
To assist with the provision of commentary the team at SKEA
SPORTS have devised a combined entry form and questionnaire which
will be completed by all drivers on race day. To help you answer
the more demanding questions we have provided a sneak
preview. 
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